The Scribbly One

When committing suicide, one wants the quickest, painless, neatest way. Jumping off buildings is foolish because one might end up quadriplegic and even less able to end one’s misery. Cutting one’s wrists means deliberately inflicting pain on one’s own body and only really sick people can do that without flinching. Hanging one’s self is too much work and not nearly instant enough, methinks. An overdose, if not planned carefully, can lead to an emergency room visit and traumatic stomach-pumping.

Ideally, the method one chooses for an endeavour such as this should allow a smooth, easy slide into oblivion. Remember, planning is everything.

* If it costs RM6.90 every 100g, and you suggest I take the RM2 pre-packed bags which weigh 50g each, aren’t you shooting yourself in the foot?

* Why offer assistance if you can’t actually assist? I tell you what I’m looking for and you get a blank look on your face, indicating that you don’t know your stuff. I’m left to browse till I find it on my own - which is what I was doing before you came along, anyway.

* Breathing down my neck does not engender in me a desire to shop. In fact, it makes me feel unwelcome and stalked.

Me: “Hope springs eternal in the human breast.”

Friend: “Which breast?”

Me: “I suppose the left one, since that’s where the heart is located.”

Friend: “Not enough space.”

Me: “You have that much hope?”

Friend: “Yes, I rent a warehouse and outsource storage.”

All I ask from life is that I be slightly less miserable than the people who hate me. I call that winning.
—Scott Adams, creator of the Dilbert comic strip

A friend of mine named her car ‘Petunia’. Another calls hers ‘Brenda’. Yet another dubbed her car ‘Peanut’. And a fourth once had a car called ‘William’.

Am I the only normal person around here?!

…is when you take an hour to arrive at the office and think, “That’s not bad.”

And here I thought all cockroaches were the same. After all, isn’t a cockroach a cockroach?

Apparently not. The ones in homes are usually American cockroaches, while the ones in hotels and restaurants are German. This, of course, means that one species can speak and understand English, while the other can’t.

Sorry, I couldn’t resist!