The Scribbly One

One friend calls them “deal-breakers”. Another calls them “non-negotiables”. Yet another refers to them as “must-haves”. And a fourth dubs them “DNA”.

DNA??

“The most necessary, basic ingredients,” she explained. Ahhh.

When it comes to relationships, every person has his or her own deal-breakers, non-negotiables, must-haves, and DNA - things you absolutely cannot live with, or things you consider essential for a relationship to thrive. I’ve just learnt more about mine.

On one hand, I laud him for being unashamedly honest, and on the other, I feel sorry for him because his honest admission is what earned him my “no”.

This came through email:
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich!

I’m beginning to believe that men really are from Mars. And that most of them are clueless when it comes to communication, that thing we women crave incessantly.

Is it holding double standards to not want a man who spends money the way I spend money?

If you’ve had an email address long enough, you’ve read the joke about the points system women use to rate men. When I commented I felt like I was starting develop a points system of my own with the latest man in my life, my friends and I sat down and made this list, for a lark:

Quick response time to emails and SMSes = +10pts
…Response is short and to-the-point, sounding abrupt or impatient = -15pts
…Only responds but never initiates such contact= -10pts
…Therefore, most communication only occurs on dates, with silence in between = -20pts

Able to chat on the phone about nothing in particular = +10pts
…The call was made by me = -7pts

Asks relevant personal questions (shows he wants to know me better) = +20pts
…Listens to answers attentively = +20pts
…Does not pursue line of questioning below surface answers = -15pts
…Does not remember answers and has to ask again later = -10pts
…Did not ask how my first day at work went after company restructuring placed me in a new department with a new boss and different responsibilities = -15pts

Has never complimented my dressing = -10pts
…Has never said anything negative about my dressing/appearance = +15pts
…Asked for my shoe size = ???pts (unsure whether negative or positive)

Always well-groomed and well-dressed = +10pts
Opens doors for me = +10pts
Pays for everything on dates = +10pts
Shares similar tastes in food (including the peculiar ones) = +5pts
Does not smoke = +20pts
Rarely drinks (social drinker only) = +15pts
Has own car = +15pts
Is a good and careful driver = +10pts
Offers to drive me to events and functions before I ask = +10pts
Does not have own house = -5pts
Does not like to read = -20pts
Disinterested in football (soccer) = +10pts
Did not know what a blog was = -15pts
Attends religious services regularly = +20pts
Is not otherwise involved in religious activities = -10pts
Solicits my opinion and takes my wishes into account when making decisions (where to go, what to eat, etc.) = +20pts
Has not expressed interest in meeting any of my friends = -20pts
Has not asked me to meet any of his friends = -20pts
Doesn’t play games, is clear about what he wants = +20pts
Ready and willing to commit to a relationship = +20pts

And before any of you who know my real identity begin jumping down my throat, let me reiterate that this list was made on a lark. Of course I don’t go around rating the poor man like this inside my head! It’s impossible to reduce a human being, and a relationship, to a bunch of numbers. I am not quite that unreasonable or demanding… yet.

Advising me not to temper my quirkiness for fear of frightening a man off, but to simply be myself:
“You’re weird and wonderful, and he needs to see that.”

Something only a best friend could say!