The Scribbly One

The furniture company called this morning to say my application has been unsuccessful.

I knew I should have worn lipstick.

Having had it drummed into my head that excuses are never acceptable, I’ve fallen into the habit of taking responsibility for everything. I can no longer figure out when the fault truly lies at my door and when it doesn’t. I simply assume it probably does.

Like when I’m late for work - perhaps it’s just the work, or perhaps it’s me. In typical split-personality fashion, I have this argument with myself:

Me #1: “You’re late again. Why can’t you get to the office on time?”

Me #2: “It’s the job. I’m so sick of it that I don’t even want to go into the office.”

Me #1: “That’s no excuse. If you were disciplined, you’d get there on time anyway.”

Me #2: “The problem is, I’ve lost all motivation where this job is concerned. I think I need a change of environment. Something different.”

Me #1: “And what makes you think that anything would change if you were to switch jobs? You are the problem - you and your lack of self-discipline. You’d just carry that over into your new job.”

Me #2: “Maybe you’re right… I shouldn’t blame the job for my tardiness.”

Me #1: “Yes, being bored with the job is no excuse! You should be on time no matter what!”

Me #2: “I suppose I should just stay on and work at my self-discipline, then. Leaving probably won’t change anything, since the problem lies with me.”

Which explains why I’ve stuck with my current job despite wanting to be out more than a year ago. I still am not sure if it is me or the job, but then again, I’m starting to suspect it might be both. Perhaps the job situation exacerbates the self-discipline situation. Better still, perhaps I’m finally learning not to assume that - because I’m such a screwed-up person who can’t get anything right - every damn thing must be totally my fault in the first place.

At the interview, I was asked whether I’d be willing to stay back beyond office hours and work on weekends.

Friend: “What is wrong with that interviewer? Asking such a thing just puts candidates off the job!”

Me: “If you are put off, I suppose you aren’t the correct candidate in the first place.”

Friend: “But there’s no need to hit you with it immediately. That’s like meeting a man for the first time and having him tell you he’s looking for a wife to cook, clean, and wait on him hand and foot.”

Remember the job interview? It was with a company in the furniture industry.

Friend: “Why are you looking for a new job?”

Me: “I’m bored with my job.”

Friend: “And you think writing about furniture will be more interesting?”

Good point.

I was sitting in the LRT this morning, on my way to a job interview, when I realised I hadn’t applied any lipstick.

I wonder whether the lack of lipstick affected my chances of obtaining the job.

The problem with jobs is similar to the problem with men (or women, if you happen to be male): Can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em.

In other words, you want one, in fact you have to have one, but you aren’t too sure which one would be the best for you, and if you choose the wrong one, you’re screwed. Thank goodness jobs aren’t permanent - though by the looks of it, marriage isn’t permanent either these days, more’s the pity.

I finally managed to get away for lunch at 4pm. I was starving! And then my boss walked into the restaurant. Sat at the table next to mine. I didn’t even notice him, I was too focused on getting sustenance into my system.

Next thing I know, he’s leaning over and asking me, “Don’t you have any work to do?”

Of course I have. Why the hell do you think I’m eating lunch at four bloody P.M.?!?!