The Scribbly One

You know you are getting round when you take an L-sized garment off the rack and the sales assistant oh-so-helpfully says, “We have it in XL too.”

However, this is nothing like an experience I once had in a lingerie shop, where the sales assistant patted my tummy and brazenly told me, “We have girdles here.” Technically, I could have sued her for assault because in legal terms, even a touch - if unwanted and uninvited - is considered an assault.

I swear there must be some well-guarded secret method to wearing pantyhose, which every woman seems to know except me. Others can wash and wear theirs numerous times; I have only to don mine to ladder them!

Three pairs died this morning as I dressed for work. Luckily they’re not a component of my usual working attire, or I would single-handedly keep the pantyhose-manufacturing industry in business.

I laughed reading this post and the resulting comments. Women have relationships with their hairdressers. We trade names of good hairdressers as seriously as corporate executives trade names of valuable contacts. We’ll go to the ends of the earth to locate a good hairdresser. And we would rather pay that much more for a good hairdresser instead of skimping and suffering an unsightly haircut. Sure, the hair will grow back, but meanwhile, we’d have to walk around looking like that. The mere thought of it is enough to strike terror in the heart of any woman.

Contrast all this with the men I know, who say, “It’s only hair!”

It’s only hair?! Word to the wise: Please don’t ever say that to a woman, unless you’re in the mood to commit suicide. To a woman hair is more than just hair; collectively, those thousands of fine strands represent beauty, femininity and sexiness. Yes, we have bought into the myths and perceptions perpetuated by the Big Bad Mass Media. But then, even a religious text like the Bible calls long hair a woman’s “glory”, so who are we to argue?

This post is reproduced from a former blog that is dying a slow and painful death. It (the post, not the blog) was birthed on May 02, 2004.

 
While researching bras and breast sagging for the last entry, I came upon a ton of breast-related stuff. Not only do breasts come in various shapes (gee, I thought they were all rounded globes. Apparently not!), they also contain no muscle whatsoever and are held up by ligaments.

That’s why support is so important, folks. Once those ligaments are overstretched, they can’t be un-stretched. It’s not like elastic, you know. And even elastic can be over-stretched anyway, so what more ligaments?

Apart from knowing how to care for your breast, you also need to know how to choose a bra that fits properly. Otherwise, “you will eventually have breasts that sag, back aches, shoulder aches, thinning skin and other problems”, says Breast Reduction 4 You. See? Sagging! You have to wear a bra to protect against sagging! (Need I say, that if you are blessed with beautiful big boobies, this is even more important?)

Not only that; “Scoff if you will, but a bra can make or break your outfit, your day, or your life. An ill-fitting bra can ruin all three,” says theboardroom.net, a website run by women for women. Plus, it has been estimated that 80% of women wear the wrong size bra.

If you don’t wear a bra because the array of bras on the market makes you freeze whenever you step into a lingerie store, there are resources to help poor things like you. (There might even be a name for your kind of phobia. Go look it up, just in case.)

First, a short list of different types of bras — especially for those who are new to the bra game (think: puberty) — and a more comprehensive one, plus a glossary of bra terms. Second, the ABCs of bras and ABCDs of bra shopping, plus how to get a great-fitting bra. Third, there’s even an FAQ to help you decide what kind of bra goes with what kind of outfit. So, no more excuses!

Of course, those handy with a needle and feeling adventurous can always try their hands at making their own bras.

By the way, we can and shall blame the men for this strange invention we have to wrap around our chest every morning. It was a man who invented the bra. Who else would have been preoccupied with lifting breasts to create cleavage and prevent sagging?!

 
** This site names a woman as the culprit who invented the first garment similar to a modern-day bra, though. But I’m definitely going to keep on blaming the men for this one.

This post is reproduced from a former blog that is dying a slow and painful death. It (the post, not the blog) was birthed on May 01, 2004.

 
I saw Courtney Love on The Late Night Show with David Letterman last night. Look, I know the boob-flashing incident occurred on March 17, but our TV networks here are slow, ok? So it only got here on May 1.

She wasn’t wearing a bra. (Duh. She flashed him, didn’t she?!) Made me wonder, what’s up with Western women and bralessness? We females are constantly told that we have to wear bras to give our breasts good support. Otherwise, we’re told, the perky things will start to wilt. Or something like that.

But Western women tend to love going braless. At least, that’s my personal observation. I live in an Asian country and female Western tourists are more often than not seen walking around here with boobies bouncing free under a tank top. You can tell because every man’s eyes will be glued to those two nipples obviously poking against the blouse material. I know the weather’s hot… but still!

Don’t Western women worry about the possibility of sagging and losing that nice perky firmness? Oh wait, I forgot… plastic surgery is so common nowadays…

I think it’s generally not a good sign when you look down and you can see your boobs - as well as your stomach below them. *sigh*